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We’ve all seen it before…or maybe you’ve experienced it. The tension in the room is thick enough to be cut with a knife as a husband and wife argue. Words that can’t be taken back are spewed forth, items may end be thrown and broken, and there is still no solution. This doesn’t have to be you. Here are 4 tips if you want to know how to communicate effectively with your husband.
Why is Communication Important?
Communication is extremely important. Think about it, the Tower of Babel couldn’t be completed because the people could no longer communicate effectively. (Genesis 11:1-9)
The breakdown of communication can lead to misunderstanding, confusion, hurt, and even broken relationships. Miscommunication can cause damage.
Communication is so important that throughout scripture we can find instructions on how to communicate with others. Here is an example:
Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 NLT
We should take heed to these instructions as we work to communicate effectively with our husbands. This is extremely important, yet, contrary to culture.
Unfortunately, there has been a great decline in the way that people communicate with each other over the years. We cannot use the world as an example of how to communicate or properly maintain healthy relationships.
2 Timothy 3:1-7 tells us how the world handles things. These are characteristics that we do not want to embody:
1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; 5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. 6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, 7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. 2 Timothy 3:1-7
How Can I Improve My Communication with My Husband?
Now that we know why communication is important, let’s look at 4 ways to improve it.
1. Speak with love, kindness and gentleness.
When you’re speaking to your husband daily, make sure that it’s with love and kindness. Speak to him in a gentle way.
If you’re irritated about something that he did, and he’s just getting off of work, wait to address it. Confronting him about it the moment he walks in the door may not be very effective.
When he comes home from work, ensure that there is peace in your home. It should be a safe haven, so approach him in a loving and gentle way.
Communication extends beyond merely words. It includes body language and non-verbal communication as well. When he arrives home, all forms of communication should be kind and welcoming.
There may be times when something that he does bothers you, and you want to talk about it. Try waiting until he unwinds first. Give him a moment. We all need a moment of peace and downtime, especially after a long day of work.
Ask God to help you discern whether or not it’s a good time to talk about touchy topics or topics that could escalate and become less than gentle.
Let your conversation be gracious and attractive[a] so that you will have the right response for everyone. Colossians 4:6 NLT
RELATED: HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY MARRIAGE
2. Listen to Him
Listen to your husband when he speaks. Make him feel heard. We want to feel heard when we speak, so we must listen when our husband’s speak as well.
When he’s speaking give him your undivided attention. This is especially important if he’s sharing his heart with you. Make it a point to be fully present when he is talking openly to you.
He will feel like he’s being heard when you’re not interrupting, interjecting, or talking on top of him.
Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish. Proverbs 18:13 NLT
3. Respect Him & Respect What He Has to Say
Make sure that your husband feels respected. Show him that you value what he has to say. Your husband is the head of your home. God has given him the responsibility to be the leader in your marriage. God also instructs that you respect him.
So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33 NLT
If he makes a decision and you’re always doing the opposite of what he suggests, that will not make him feel respected as the head of your home.This can lead to problems because men need to feel respected, just as women need to feel loved.
Avoid doing or saying things that are disrespectful to your husband.
4. Allow Him to Feel Comfortable Being Vulnerable with You
The way that you respond to your husband’s communication actually shows him whether or not you can handle certain things. It lets him know how you will handle future conversations and situations.
If he knows that you respond with an attitude or that you fly off the handle, he may not feel comfortable presenting certain types of information to you.
Create an environment where he feels safe communicating with you regardless of what the topic is. Tailor your response to allow him to feel safe sharing all kinds of information with you.
Be mindful of how you respond and pay attention to your body language. This will prevent him from feeling regretful for sharing the information with you.
You can still communicate your thoughts and feelings. Just remember that how you say things makes a huge difference when it comes to communication.
Don’t forget that in some situations when you disagree, submission may be the answer. While many women don’t like that word, submission is strength.
Your husband is not your enemy. Make it a point to work together with your husband and not against him.
For we[a] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12
How Can I Communicate with My Husband Without Fighting?
Your husband is your teammate. This verse below from the book of Ephesians tells us how we should treat others. This is a helpful blueprint for how to treat our husbands. Our husbands should also treat us the same way.
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2 NLT
I want to encourage you to be humble, gentle, and patient with your husband. Make allowance for one another’s faults because you love one another.
FAQ: How Can I Be a Better Wife?
One way that you can be a better wife is by nurturing your husband. Fill his love tank daily by respecting him, serving him, and loving him in the way he receives love best.
Give him your time, love, and effort. Become his safe place.
Nurturing your husband & marriage means that you care for him and your marriage, and you encourage growth. Encourage him to be the best he can be.
We’ve heard about nagging wives and quarrelsome women with low patience, and short fuses. Such behavior can cause a man to recoil, shut down, and no longer feel comfortable talking or being vulnerable.
Here’s what the Bible has to say about a nagging, quarrelsome wife:
A quarrelsome wife is as annoying
as constant dripping on a rainy day.; Proverbs 27:15 NLT
Here is another verse:
It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic
than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home. Proverbs 21:9 NLT
RELATED: WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
Final Thoughts
The Bible itself makes it clear to us that being quarrelsome, quick to speak & having a temper are not effective ways to communicate.
As wives, let’s work to be patient, kind, humble, and gentle. May our speech be gracious. These are some of the characteristics of a wife who can communicate effectively with her husband.
These are great suggestions. I don’t think women realize how important it is to respect and encourage their husbands. I have seen more marriages ruined by criticism and disrespect than anything. A man needs to be admired. It doesn’t mean you don’t tell him when he is rude or unkind, it just means you aren’t destructive with your mouth.
Thank you! You are so right. Very well said! Respect is vital.
Awesome. I learnt a lot. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for your feedback! I’m so glad you found it valuable!
Love this! For many years my husband and I resolved all of our arguments via email because that would give us an opportunity to be slow with our words, to re-read them and edit the hostility out of them before hitting send. It saved so many arguments from turning into something more..
I love the idea of intentionally being slow with your words! Talk about wise teamwork!
Respect and watching our word are so key! Great tips!