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I don’t know if you’ve noticed but divorce is a widespread narrative nowadays! Another thing to consider is that most divorces are initiated by women. This epidemic be prevented, so the purpose of this article is to provide some preliminary suggestions on how to avoid divorce.
1. Prepare for Marriage When You’re Single
If you really want to know how to avoid divorce, you must understand that it ultimately begins before getting married. The single season is the best season to prepare for marriage. It is a time to establish your relationship with God, invest in yourself, know your worth, and know your values.
This time should be used to love and understand yourself. Understand your habits, quirks, likes, and dislikes. This will allow you to properly articulate them in a marriage.
Many issues that are common within marriage could be prevented simply when two people do the preliminary work of preparing themselves for marriage BEFORE actually getting married.
The concept is not an unusual one to consider. Doctors prepare themselves with ample education and sometimes residency before going into practice. Athletes spend hours practicing and working out before playing a game. Why is it that many singles don’t prepare for marriage before walking down the aisle and saying “I do!”?
Now, of course, I understand that some people may not have done this in the past and have already gotten married. We live and we learn. That situation is not beyond repair. However, for women who haven’t gotten married yet, it’s important to prepare and then choose the man wisely.
Choose Your Husband Wisely to Avoid Divorce
When deciding whether or not you should marry a man, consider what’s most important.
Physical appearance is important, but if there is a deficit in other areas, you may want to make another selection. Consider things that could be major dealbreakers.
Do you share the same values? Can he hear from God? Does he make wise decisions? How does he treat you and his female relatives? What is his character like? What are his beliefs and non-negotiables? Is he disciplined?
Does he have the capability and/or potential to provide for you and your future children? Is he capable of being a great father and raising children properly? What are his views on political issues? Is he a great communicator?
These are only some of the most important questions to ponder when considering if a man is qualified to hold the title of “husband”.
Think of marriage as more than a wedding. It’s more than having a companion to do things with. A husband is more than a man to meet your needs and make sure you’re happy.
Marriage is a covenant and a union before God. When you choose a husband, you are choosing to become one with this man. You are choosing to respect him and submit to him as the head of your home. You are deciding on the future of your children and who they will grow up to be.
This is a big decision that should not be taken lightly. Go into marriage with the resolution that divorce is not an option. When you think of it that way, you will take the decision making process more seriously. Ask God to lead you and help you as you make such an important decision.
2. Avoid Divorce by Working At Your Marriage
The phrase “Marriage is hard.” is quoted frequently. As prevalent as it is, it doesn’t mean you have to accept it for your life and marriage.
Marriage does take work, but what great things in life don’t? Marriage is amazing, but you have to set yourself up to have it that way. This is why it’s important to prepare during the single season.
Go into marriage with a heart ready to serve. Think about all the ways you can give and serve your husband instead of daydreaming about how he can rub your feet, make you happy, and serve you.
Commit to working at your marriage. Determine in your heart that you’re not going to just up and leave when things get tough.
Women can be so quick to throw the man and the marriage away because they feel that it’s “hard”. Working a 9-5 job that you don’t enjoy is hard, but many people don’t throw that away.
Being a mother may have it’s hard days but women often times don’t throw the kids away. There are many great things that take work and may be hard” for some, but the best things in life take work.
Be sure to give your husband what he needs most. Respect alone will do wonders for your marriage. If you are not respecting your husband, whether you think he deserves it or not, it’s going to be a rocky road.
Husbands need respect and the Bible instructs wives to respect our husbands. If you don’t respect him, you probably will not feel loved by him. This creates a vicious cycle that is not pretty.
RELATED: 3 Incredible Tips that Simplify How to Live By “Wives Respect Your Husband”
In addition to respect, connection, intimacy, communication and conflict resolution are areas to be worked on and improved upon to enhance the health of your marriage.
RELATED: How to Communicate Effectively with Your Husband
3. Decide That Divorce is Not an Option
Whether you’re currently married or not, determine in your heart that divorce is not an option. Society has changed the narrative and it tells us that divorce is acceptable. This idea is contrary to what God says! The Bible tells us that the grounds for divorce is infidelity.
But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery. Matthew 5:31-32 NLT
If a husband commits adultery then the wife may ask for a divorce. However, sadness and unhappiness are not biblical grounds for divorce. I want to emphasize that peace, joy and happiness come from God.
If you don’t have those things in your marriage, that doesn’t mean throw your husband away. You want to know what that means? It means that you don’t have the relationship with God that you should.
Peace, joy and happiness aren’t meant to come from solely from your husband. Your husband and marriage can add to it but ultimately those things come from God. So, if you need to change something, start with your relationship with God.
4. Understand the Sanctity of Marriage
You can avoid divorce by accepting that marriage is a covenant that should not be broken. If someone is in an physically abusive life or death situation- I understand that situation is different. But unhappiness? Needing self-love? He isn’t doing what you want him to do? Those are not reasons to break a covenant.
The Bible says the two shall become one flesh! It says that what God joins together let no man separate. So, don’t go out and separate it because when you do, it shows lack of respect for God.
and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, 9 let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Mark 10:8-9 NLT
It’s time that women are taught that it’s not about us, and what we want, or what we need. It’s not about happiness and self-love. Marriage is a covenant before God and God takes it seriously! We should too.
If you aren’t willing to take marriage as serious as it is don’t get married. Not only is marriage a covenant and union, it is a safe-haven for the well being and mental health of your children. We must do this God’s way.
There is no fulfillment that comes from a broken marriage. It’s damaging. It’s damaging to you, your husband, and the kids. Because a covenant was broken.
Women who divorce leave a part of themselves because they were one with their husband. How can one be happy focusing on themselves when they left themselves through divorce?
A woman who gets a divorce will feel the impacts of it continuously unless she turns to Jesus and lets Him heal and restore her.
Thank you for sharing this great post! I did not plan out my marriage when I was single. I know in my heart if I had, I would have chosen my husband. I am blessed in that way. He is the leader in my household, and he greatly loves and supports us, which we return to him. I thank God for blessing me!
Thank you for your comment Danielle! Praise God for His guidance in our lives! He is so faithful! He has indeed blessed you.
Great advice here, thank you! X
Thank you so much, Lauren! Blessings!