Is There Something Wrong With Me?

I don't know about you, but I've been in multiple situations where I find myself thinking, "Is there something wrong with me?". Now of course, I know who I am in Christ and in Him I have confidence. However, there have been times where I've asked myself those questions because of a guy. Yup, I said it. All because of a M.A.N.

Over the years, I was always used to being pursued and getting the attention of guys I didn't want. Thus, I would turn them down and keep it moving. I knew my standards, I knew that I was looking for a man after God's heart. I knew all those things and I was not willing to settle or compromise. I also felt like the pickings were slim because I'm a woman after God's heart, a legit Christian who refuses to compromise, has been made new in Christ and happens to be an educated professional that plays no games when it comes to "love".

I remember the very first time I was rejected by a guy. We were talking and getting to know each other and I felt like he was a bit fickle but I was patient. One day, he text me and told me that he wanted to call it quits. This was back when I was in college and I was still being refined by God so my response wasn't the best. However, after that fiasco, I found myself wondering a plethora of questions. Amongst those questions were, "Is there something wrong with me?" and then, "Naw, naw. Maybe he's gay." Over the years, I found that neither of these options were true.

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This situation happened again and again which was so crazy because it wasn't everyday that I actually met someone that I found to be suitable. But every time I saw someone that I was interested in that seemed to truly love God, live right, be handsome and actually make something of his life, I found that he wasn't interested. And don't get me wrong, some were interested but then there are levels of interest. You can be extremely interested and then you can be kinda interested. Overall, I found that the guys who caught my attention were not sold on me. They were not 100% sure or they were slow to move their feet in the process of pursuit. Each time this happened, I would think to myself, But I'm a great catch! I'm a rare find! Are you crazy?! Hellllooo! Pick me! Are you blind?

One day, I decided I was going to ask the Lord what was really going on. It was so beyond me and I knew that He could help me out, and He did. The Lord revealed to me that it had nothing to do with me. There is nothing wrong with me because He made me exactly how He wanted me to be made. The reason why those guys were not sold on me, the reason why they were maybe a little interested and unsure was because of God. Yes, God allowed those men to feel uncertain about me because He knew that they were not His best for me. The Lord knew that because I was so into the guy, my emotions were clouding my judgement and keeping me from noticing Holy Spirit's gentle promptings that this guy wasn't the right guy. In other words, God was protecting me by allowing those guys to reject me. Yes, I said it, God's protection was in each of those guys' rejection.

Now, the guys that held my interest were all men who genuinely loved God. So does this mean there was something wrong with them? Not necessarily. Some guys were genuinely good guys but the amazing thing about God is that He takes everything into consideration! He considers whether or not a person is going to serve Him all the days of their life or if they're going to backslide or convert to some other religion in 4 years. He sees if the person would one day have some sort of crazy life change that would change your life for the worst. He see's each person's heart and desires and measures them up to our own to see if they are compatible. So there are times when there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with them, but God see's that you just wouldn't be the best match and may cause each other more harm than good. God always wants to give you His best if you let Him.
If you had a child who really wanted a Ferrari for their high school graduation and you had the money, wouldn't you get it for them? Why give them a used 2005 Toyota when they really want the Ferrari and you have the means to make it happen? It's the same with God! He wants us to have the best- we are his children.

So I encourage you to not be discouraged because your "crush" isn't all that into you. Don't feel down and depressed because you were rejected. Please know, there is nothing wrong with you. Through that rejection, there was God's protection. That person didn't choose you because they were not meant to choose you. They didn't choose you because they were not God's best for you. God has something so much better in store because His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. He has great plans for you! The person who wasn't interested enough was doing you a favor by keeping you available for the right one at the right time. Trust God! There is nothing wrong with you and one day you will be married, looking blissfully into the eyes of your spouse and thanking God that it didn't work with anyone else. There is nothing wrong with you. God is just protecting everything that's right about you! You're perfect for someone! Be encouraged! :)