How Do You Know if You Should Let Him/Her Go?

In conversation with one of the beautiful sisters in my life, I was inspired to write this blog. In speaking with her, she explained to me that she was in a relationship with someone whom she was unsure of. She was unsure if she should stick around and see how it all panned out or if she should let him go and move on. This factor alone, led to a pretty lengthy discussion on the topic. I know that I've experienced this situation many times in my past, so I figured, why not write a blog about it for others who are experiencing similar feelings? So, let's get straight to it!

Q: How do I know if I should let him/her go?
How do I know if I should move on?
1. If you have to ask that, then it may be an indication that you possibly already know the answer deep in your heart. A general rule of thumb for me personally is "When in doubt, leave him out." This works for ME because I've come to learn myself and over time, I've learned to be in-tune with my heart.
One thing that I've noticed over years of experience getting to know people and exploring potential relationships is that I always knew in my heart, whether or not a particular person was worth my time. I always knew whether or not there was potential for things to progress into something serious. I remember looking back into the journals I keep and reading where I'd make comments like, "I know I have no business with him.", "I know I'm wasting my time with him.", "I don't really want to be with him but...". And when I looked back I'd think to myself, If I'd already known that, then why did I allow myself to waste time anyway?! So, follow your heart because often times, you already know.

2. If God leads you to then its time to move on. This concept is one of my favorites. I actually wrote a blog along the lines of this topic here: _ 
One of the benefits of being a believer with a personal relationship with God is that He will help you when you let Him. So, when you invite God into your relationships, He will guide you. I can think of a few times where I'd ask God for wisdom regarding a particular relationship that I was unsure of and He helped me make the best choice for my life. There were times when He would speak to me directly about a person or He would give me a dream about a situation I was in. There were even times where I would simply ask God to remove the wrong ones from my life and He did that too. So, if God tells you to let him/or her go, do it- immediately.

3. If you are unequally yoked. If you find that you are engaging with someone who doesn't believe what you believe, or you are of two different faiths, that's a potential problem waiting to arise. 2 Corinthians 6:14 instructs us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. I also, believe this biblical principle can also be applied in other areas as well. For example, maybe both are Christians but of two denominations of varying beliefs, this could present a potential problem. Amos 3:3 says, "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" So, if you and the S.O.S (someone special) in your life don't share the same values, morals and beliefs, it could be an indicator that it's time to move on.

4. If you see consistent red flags waving. Please don't ignore these flags! In a previous blog post, I mentioned non-negotiables. These are things that are important to you in a potential S.O.S that you just can't compromise on. For example: being a believer, some degree of physical attraction, similar purpose/goals, mutual respect, etc. If someone defies your non-negotiables then that is a reason for you to consider moving on. I remember some years ago, I was getting to know a guy who told me that he'd had a beer the day before. Well, for me, I desire a man who does not consume alcohol, so that guy sipping a beer the day before defied my non-negotiable and thus, it was time to let him go because his view on alcohol was different than my own.
Sometimes, when we are involved with someone and we really want it to work, we dismiss important things. I suppose this is where the phrase "Love is blind" can come into play. So be open to hearing what your close, trustworthy loved ones have to say about your S.O.S. Often times, those on the outside notice things you don't while you're "blinded by love". Additionally, remember that being mistreated, disrespected, or even physically abused are indicators that you need to let him/her go immediately. Please do not remain in a situation like that. You are worth so much more and I can assure you that there is someone who would love to value, respect, cherish and love you the way you deserve but you must first leave a bad situation in order to receive a good one.

5. If you have the wrong motives and you're not really sold on him/her. If you are with someone because of how much money they make or what they look like or what their status is, you have the wrong motive. If you don't really like him/her but simply the idea of him/her or even the idea of having a person to spend time with then your motives are wrong. It's not fair to drag someone into your life when you know you simply don't want to be alone and your heart isn't really for them. They deserve to be appreciated and loved by someone who has a heart for them. Please don't waste his/her time just because you want to indulge in your selfish tendencies. Once upon a time that was me, and I was selfish, so I have a right to say that. ;-)

6. It just doesn't feel right. It simply doesn't "fit". You don't have peace. One thing I've always been told is that "You just know when someone is for you." I've been in plenty situations that I would describe as that puzzle piece that is really close to the right one and if you squeeze it into the empty space just right, you can make it fit. It's not all the way right but you can force it to work. And you think, This can work. I can make this fit. I remember one person I was intent on making it fit with and so clearly I felt such an indescribable lack of peace in pursuing that relationship. I knew ever so clearly that the Lord was leading me not to move forward and not to try to make anything fit. So, I didn't. Recently, I've found myself writing "So this is how it feels. I finally feel like this could be a puzzle piece that fits the way it's supposed to without me trying to force anything." And I believe that's how it should be. So if you find yourself trying to change the person, or you're the only one putting in all the work or feeling like he/she doesn't care or sensing a lack of peace or simply trying to "make it fit", then maybe it's time to let him/her go.

But...
He's a good guy. I know, there are LOTS of "good guys". "Good guy" doesn't equate to the right guy for you. Choose wisely.
But...
She's so sweet. Yes, and because she is so sweet, do her the favor of letting her go if your heart isn't for her. Avoid turning her sweetness into bitterness.
But...
He's/She's saved. That's great! But not every saved person is meant for you. Seek God and be led by Him, He will help you to choose which believer is best suitable for you. At the end of it all, we all should select someone with whom we could best glorify God with.
But...
I don't want to hurt him/her or I met his/her parents. That's very considerate, however, people get hurt and life happens. We all have experienced hurt at one point and we've all made mistakes too. We move forward. It's part of life and we should learn from those experiences. If you know God is leading you to let him/her go, you must be obedient and trust that He will take care of both of your hearts. 

Follow God. Follow what He's placed in your heart. This is just a season of your life but make sure you're obedient to God. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength! Phil 4:13

Love,

Ris