I wanted to take some to write a post for those who are saving themselves for marriage. That's right, this post is exclusively for virgins! This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart because I was a virgin until I married my husband at 28 years old. I know that sometimes you just need a bit of encouragement.
You Are NOT the Only One!
I remember feeling this way a few times and even now, I get comments from other people who feel the same way. Somedays, you feel like you're the only one that is single or the only one that is a virgin. However, I'm here to tell you that you are not alone. There are plenty of people who are committed to waiting until marriage to have sex. I know some personally, so be encouraged, knowing that there are others just like you, and they are experiencing the same things you are.
Is it Worth it?
YES! It is absolutely worth it! Don't get weary and don't give up because you are doing the right thing! You are special and rare and valuable. Carry yourself that way! You are priceless and you possess a great gift for your future spouse. I don't regret waiting one bit and if I had to go back and do it again, I would wait again. There is something so special about giving such a meaningful gift to your future husband. It's precious and it speaks volumes about your faithfulness to God and His word, and your love for your future husband.
But What If It's Not Easy?
If you are having a hard time with waiting, I'd encourage you to evaluate a few things. Take note of things you watch on TV/movies, what music and conversations you listen to and the people you are hanging out with. It's very important that you are careful with what enters your spirit through your eyes and ears. Music, movies, etc. will definitely impact your thoughts, behaviors and desires. Eliminating things that are sexual in nature will help a lot. Also, when you are out on a date, avoid compromising situations. Don't even allow yourself to be in a situation where you could be tempted to want to cross physical boundaries. This includes, being alone with the opposite sex in secluded, private locations, visiting his house alone, being out together late at night, getting too close/touchy, talking dirty, etc. Having boundaries in place will help make the wait a lot more smooth. Remember that God wouldn't ask anything of us that He knew we couldn't do. You can do this! With God, all things are possible.
Please feel free to share this blog and even check out my Youtube Channel: LaRissa J. for videos on virginity, love and relationships!
Hey Lovely, Happy New Year! I'm so excited to be writing a new blog! I took quite a bit of a break from blogging because I got married in 2018 and decided to focus on investing everything into my marriage. Today, however, it is on my heart to write about how I prayed for my husband long before I met him. I pray that this blesses you and anyone else who reads it! I created a Youtube video on this topic too, so feel free to check that out here. I'll be sure to make this blog more detailed.
To Journal or Not to Journal?
This decision is completely up to you but I have a tendency to write things down when I pray so that I can refer back to it when I need to. I kept a journal specifically for things related to my future husband. It was nothing fancy, just a hard cover notebook that I picked up from the store. In the journal, I included all my prayers to God for my husband as well as anything that I felt the Lord whisper to my heart. If you don't know how, it's important that you learn how to hear from God because this will be a game changer on your journey! If you'd like to see a blog or Youtube video on "How to Hear From God" let me know by commenting below or reaching out to me on Instagram @mrs.larissaj.
So, I started my journal in 2014, met my husband in person in 2017 and I got married in 2018 so this notebook has a lot of prayers in it. Now let's talk about the prayers.
Praying for Hubby
The very first page of my journal, I wrote a prayer to the Lord. Let me note that even though I write my prayers, I also pray them aloud because death and life are in the power of the tongue. (Proverbs 18:21) Prayers are life giving so you want to make sure you vocalize them.
In my prayer to God, I simply asked him to guide my every prayer and I asked that my journal be inspired by the Holy Spirit. I didn't want to just make up random things.
Each day that I prayed, I wrote a heading. One day, I prayed that the Lord would prepare me and strengthen my faith. Another prayer, was about my husband being prepared by God for me. Other prayers, were about his spiritual well-being, character, protection, integrity, mutual physical attraction, etc. Each time I prepared to pray, I got quiet before God and allowed Him to lead me in what I should pray for. I'd like to encourage you to be specific with your prayers and pray for all aspects of your future husband's life. This takes time so it's perfectly okay to pray over a span of days or even months or years in order to take your time and pray accurately and thoroughly. Choose one specific area to pray for each day.
Will this Work?
This absolutely worked for me! However, I think some prerequisites need to be met first. You first need to be a believer and have a personal relationship with Jesus. (Romans 10:9) You'll also want to work on strengthen your faith if you haven't done so already. (Again, let me know if you'd like to see this topic appear in my content in the future.) I struggled with faith in believing that my husband existed and would find me so I really had to work on developing in this area and exercising my faith. (Mark 11:24) Lastly, you'll want to clear the clutter. This means that if you're hanging on to a guy because you don't want to be lonely but you know he isn't God's best for you, you've got to let him go. In order for God to bless you with His best, you need to be in position. Ask Him to prepare you for your future husband and make the necessary adjustments as the Lord lays it on your heart.
Were ALL Your Prayers Answered, LaRissa?
I'd say 99% of my prayers were answered! Minor things like an eye color that I was fascinated by when I was younger or a specific location in the country may have been a little different but who cares about those things, right? I have a husband for crying out loud! Also, some things I prayed for are things that may manifest later throughout life. Like, having local, godly friends to go on double dates with. (We both moved away from our hometowns and have to start over.) But overall, yes, all my prayers were answered and I believe that that is because I invited the Lord to help me to know what to pray for. So here are just 5 examples of things I specifically asked God for and He answered:
1. I prayed that he has a personal relationship with Jesus, be spirit-filled and live a lifestyle that honors God. (He does and did before he even met me)
2. I prayed that we be physically attracted to one another and that he be taller that 6'0. (He's 6'1 & the mutual attraction is real!)
3. I prayed that he would be a virgin like I was and would wait to kiss me until our wedding day. (He was and he did)
4. I prayed that he would be a great leader for our family and head of our home. (He is)
5. I prayed that he would set and keep boundaries in courtship, make his intentions known to me and ask my dad for his approval to court me and his blessing to marry me. (He did all of those things on his own without me asking or even mentioning it to Him)
It's super awesome to be able to go back to my journal and look at how God answered precisely. If my life were a movie, it would be like my prayers/journal came to life and became this incredible man that I now call my husband. I totally encourage my Christian sisters to do this if you believe God has placed the desire for marriage in your heart. Now is the time to prepare, Sis!
How exciting, one day, you'll look back and see God's goodness in answering your prayers with the manifestation of a godly husband!
Comment below: What qualities are you praying that your future husband has?
Look forward to seeing you in my next post!
So, I'm sure you know by now that I am engaged to the love of my life and I give all glory to God because all things are possible with Him! Now, before I get into the details of how my fiancé proposed, I first want to share my testimony that I found to be an encouragement to many people on social media.
You see this picture (above) which is a beautiful moment of my life. However, what many don’t know is that one year ago, I was completely single. I’d just come out of a very short, self-ordained relationship so I was nursing the wounds of a break up. I remember literally crying out to God and surrendering to Him. I told Him that in the natural, me ever getting married looked almost impossible as at that time I had ZERO prospects. I remember saying “Lord, who in the world is left?! 😩” But I decided to walk by faith and not by sight. I decided to believe what the Bible says. I pursued Jesus with my whole heart because I knew I NEEDED Him. He healed & pruned my heart within days. Less than 3 months later, I met my (now) fiancé! A man who I shared brief exchanges with 5 years earlier & didn’t even realize it. The same man who I spent weeks platonically conversating with in 2016 without even knowing that I was talking to my future husband. So all along, through my occasional tears & frustration, GOD KNEW!! He saw the plans He had for me. He knew what He was about to do in my life. And God sees your whole story too...so trust Him. I promise, it’s worth it! #ItsWorthTheWait
Now for the details! You can clear here:
I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge those who may be grieving during this Christmas season. This brief message is for those who have loved and lost, whether it be the death of a loved one or a hurtful breakup; be encouraged. I know that what you're dealing with is very painful & difficult right now, we've all been there, but I want you to remember that you are loved. As hard as this time is for you, you will make it through. Take your time to grieve and know that this will pass.
The true meaning of Christmas is defined by the birth of Jesus Christ. Isaiah 9:6 says, “For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
Jesus is your Prince of Peace. During this challenging an painful time, allow Him to be your peace and comfort. Allow Him to create peace during your storm. He came to heal your broken heart. Cry out to Him & let Him restore you.
Surround yourself with happiness & happy people who love you. Think on positive things. Focus on helping & serving others. This is a season of giving and focusing on bringing joy to others will help lessen the pain. Don't allow sorrow to fill your heart. Even during this tough season, you still have blessings to count. A year or two from now, you'll look back on this day & be able to acknowledge the positive changes that have taken place since.
You are not alone during this season. The pain will fade. It will become easier in time.
I'm praying for you.
As Valentine's Day approaches, I would like to encourage each single person who may be feeling lonely or unhappy or inadequate or jealous or whatever. Valentine's Day is not a reflection of who you are or how much you are valued and loved. I remember many years ago, I used to feel like having a valentine meant that you were special and loved and appreciated. However, over the years, I came to realize that a stuffed bear, bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates are not indicators of my worth. As singles, we must keep in mind that our worth is determined by the fact that God sent His son Jesus to shed His blood and die on our behalf. That genuine act of love is an indicator of our worth! You are valuable, loved and irreplaceable.
I felt like I just had to write something before this holiday season ended. I'm excited to share so please, keep reading!
Since my last blog post in August, there have been some ups and downs. More ups than downs since I've been applying the things that we talked about in my last post. However, as I neared the holiday season I began to get more and more distracted. In fact, I'd even met a new guy and we were merely getting to know each other. I suppose getting to know someone brought awareness to the fact that I am still single. Normally, when I'm focused on Jesus and serving others I don't even realize it. Yet, during this season I was totally aware and honestly miserable with where I was at that moment. Particularly, another single Christmas getting to know someone that I had a feeling it wasn't going to work out with. Need I say, it didn't work out. Soon I'll have this down to a science. I've gotten awfully familiar with the clues, behaviors and vernacular of man who has the wrong intentions and secretly wants to see if he can use you for his selfish ambitions. Ladies, if you'd like to see a blog or a video on this topic please let me know.
I understand that being single during Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's Eve can be a challenge for many. Especially when you see couples out shopping and flirting and kissing and in love and totally soaking up the holiday season and all it entails. I've seen it this year myself and at that point, we have a choice. We can be depressed, throw a pity party and be mad at God and jealous of others and compromise and date people we have no business with just to fill a void. Or we can reflect on all the good things God has done for us and think about how blessed we are and enjoy what we DO have.
So, as New Year's Eve floods in and you become aware of the hundreds of couples across the country kissing when the clock strikes 12 as the ball drops in New York, remember you have a choice. No, we may not yet have someone worthy to share a kiss with to bring in the New Year. No, we may not yet know the love of our lives to bring in the new year with but we as single people are more blessed than we realize and we get to bring in the New Year with Love Himself. When the clock strikes 12, let us be intentional about thanking God that we get to see another year!
I just had to write this blog because it's been on my heart for a while. This blog will be very transparent so brace yourself. Recently, I've had the opportunity to meet many new and wonderful people who are single and I've had conversations with them regarding the challenge of being a single individual, especially a Christian Single. As a current single myself, I am so passionate about reaching out to others who are in my boat who need encouragement. Trust me, I know, we need encouragement sometimes and on a bad day we need encouragement all the time. :)
My Single Struggle
I'm going to tell you this because I know someone out there needs to hear it. For some reason, I find that many people who are single don't want to talk about the challenges we face. This leads us to a place of feeling like we are alone, like we are the only ones struggling and we keep the struggle to ourselves. Or maybe that's just in my world. *shrugs* It seems like it's every (wo)man for themselves in the lonely streets of singleness.
So for me, I recently had a solid period of time where I felt so low, unhappy, lonely and even depressed on days because of my single status. Yes, I am real enough to go there. It happens to all of us! I know what it's like to long for love. I know what it's like to feel like I'm the only one and that I will be single FOREVER. I've fretted once or twice at the idea of remaining single and by the time I get married I'll be so old that my libido is low and I won't be as good looking as I am now. ;-) I've wondered if I'd ever get married at all because after all, Jesus is coming back soon. It's real, I've had those thoughts! I've seen couples out there holding hands & kissing and being happy and in love while I'm sitting there with a blank stare. I've heard the love songs played in the store only to remember dryly that I still don't have anyone special in my life. I've been let go of by men that told me I was "the one" only to be left devastated and curled in a ball in my bed willing the world to end. I've had people constantly ask me if I was seeing someone yet. I've questioned God on what's taking so doggone long. I've watched all my childhood friends get married and have babies. I've been invited to weddings and I've been the bridesmaid and not yet a bride. And if you can relate to any of these, you are not alone!! I understand!
So back to this season. This season of loneliness was a dark place in my life that lasted for about 28 days straight. It seemed that everyday I woke up was a rainy day, both figuratively and literally (I live in Florida lol) I prayed most days but honestly there were days where I couldn't pray. There were days where I had no words. There were days when I just sat before God, quiet, until the tears came and I sobbed in His presence. But I knew that would do nothing for me except make me feel a little better, so I willed myself to pray and get on my face before God and I asked Him for His help. I asked Him for strength because most of my single life I've felt like Superwoman. I was young, fly and enjoying my life. Singleness? I was doing the darn thing. But during that period of 28 days, I felt so far from that. And if you feel this way or have felt this way or will feel this way, please know that you are NOT alone, do not give up. Be encouraged. It is just a season and it will pass.
I don't know about you, but I've been in multiple situations where I find myself thinking, "Is there something wrong with me?". Now of course, I know who I am in Christ and in Him I have confidence. However, there have been times where I've asked myself those questions because of a guy. Yup, I said it. All because of a M.A.N.
Over the years, I was always used to being pursued and getting the attention of guys I didn't want. Thus, I would turn them down and keep it moving. I knew my standards, I knew that I was looking for a man after God's heart. I knew all those things and I was not willing to settle or compromise. I also felt like the pickings were slim because I'm a woman after God's heart, a legit Christian who refuses to compromise, has been made new in Christ and happens to be an educated professional that plays no games when it comes to "love".
I remember the very first time I was rejected by a guy. We were talking and getting to know each other and I felt like he was a bit fickle but I was patient. One day, he text me and told me that he wanted to call it quits. This was back when I was in college and I was still being refined by God so my response wasn't the best. However, after that fiasco, I found myself wondering a plethora of questions. Amongst those questions were, "Is there something wrong with me?" and then, "Naw, naw. Maybe he's gay." Over the years, I found that neither of these options were true.
Often times as singles we take advantage of the concept of being single- as we should. Singleness is a time when we can go where we'd like, choose to eat out every night or stay late at work. We may have more free time than others and can make many choices without having to consult another. We should use this time to serve God and advance His kingdom. We should take Paul's advice in 1 Corinthians 7:34 "...The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit:"
I know that for me, I believed years ago, that since I was single I could do whatever I wanted to do and date whoever I wanted to date. Of course, I loved God and I wasn't plotting to go out and have sex with anyone, but emotionally, I was free game. I found myself flirting with multiple guys a day because I was single. I would give of myself emotionally to undeserving men. There was a season in my life where I thought, Hey, I'm young. I'm fly. I'm wanted. I'm just gonna get into random relationships with random so called "Christian" men to have fun and to have someone in my life. So that's what I set out to do... until God convicted me.
I'd just ended an unfruitful relationship with a guy and I felt horrible emotionally. I remember thinking to myself, Is this even worth it? Getting in and out of relationships with a piece of my heart feeling affected or even missing? I realized how not so amazing I felt and God dealt with my heart. Why get emotionally or even physically involved with someone just because? In my case, I knew the guys that I was talking to were not worth my time and they were not the type of man I wanted to marry. So what's the point? As the Lord began to deal with me, He opened my eyes and I had a change of heart and actually promised Him that I would no longer waste time and get involved with men that I knew had no potential to be my husband.
Okay, But I'm Single
True. So first things first. Isaiah 54:5 says, "For thy Maker is thine husband..." If you are a believer then Christ should be your first love. Thus, over anything else, you should have a desire to please Him and make Him happy. You should seek to love Him, honor Him, serve Him and respect Him. Do our actions and behaviors as women show our Lord how much we truly love and revere Him? Are we respecting our first love when we are laying in bed with another man? Are we showing our love for Him when we are flirting dirty with someone who is not our husband? Are we honoring Him when we allow our hearts to be filled with lustful fantasies and images? These are things we should think about. How does our truest Love feel when we do and think those things? Is that respect?
Over the years, God began to help me realize that just because I didn't know my husband, did not mean that he did not exist. The fact is, God promised me marriage one day which means there is a man, right now who has been set apart and is being prepared by God to marry me in God's perfect timing. Thus, the Lord began to teach me to begin respecting my husband before I even met him. How do I do this? By not wasting time with men that I KNOW are not "the one". I find that with all men that have entered my life, I KNEW. I knew that they were not it and there were many days where I completely ignored that inward knowledge but that fact is that I always knew.
Follower of Christ. Wife. Blogger. Speaker. Mentor. Youtuber. Helping women wait with class and prepare for God's best.
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